I'll try it on my own
by Phoebe
Summary: After she turned down Logan's proposal, Rory realizes a few things about her life and the decisions she has made. Trying to make a life for herself, she leave everything and everyone behind.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** I'll try it on my own

**Author:** Phoebe

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** After she turned down Logan's proposal, Rory realizes a few things about her life and the decisions she has made. Trying to make a life for herself, she leave everything and everyone behind.

**Background:** Post Season 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore Girls

**Chapter 1**

I'm wiser now  
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know

so long ago

It had been 3 days since she'd turned down Logan's proposal and she had been nothing but miserable. Everyone, especially her mother had tried to cheer her up, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel happy or even smile. Deep down she knew, that she had made the wrong decision, but everyone kept insisting that her hesitation meant it wasn't right and that it was for the best that she had turned him down.

She could still see the look on Logan's face when she gave him back the ring and it had broken her heart, but she had been too afraid to take the next step. She never thought that he'd give her an ultimatum and since she was Rory Gilmore she had done what she could do best....she ran and told him no.

So here she was, in her home town Stars Hollow, lying on her childhood bed and crying about the only man she had ever truly loved.

There was a soft knock and when she turned to see who it was, her mother opened the door and let out an audible sight.

"Oh, hun...you have to stop doing this to yourself. I know you loved him, but it seems the two of you just weren't on the same page. You're not ready to get married yet and that's ok. If he can't wait...well, then he doesn't deserve you. I think you made the right decision and that in time you'll be able to move on." Lorelai said as she sat down beside her daughter, stroking her head.

She had tried everything she could think of, to get Rory to forget about Logan, but it only seemed to be getting worse. The last two days Rory had been so upset, that she had thrown up everything she ate and Lorelai just didn't know what else she could do.

"I know mom. Don't worry, I'll be ok. I just have to wallow for bit and then I can move on. It's just been a hard few days." Rory didn't believe a word that came out of her mouth, but she knew that it was what her mother wanted to hear from her.

Suddenly she realized something.

_'Oh my god, mom is happy that I turned him down. She never liked him and everything that he stands for. She always hated that he came from money and that he brought me back into the world she took me away from. She always tried to tell me that he wasn't the right one for me. I know I've thought about marrying him and after London I even expected it, so how come I turned him down? Was it because I knew that mom didn't want me to? I don't know what to think any more, I somehow have to figure out what I want.'_

All the while her mother had been telling her a story, so when she came back from her thoughts she only heard the last sentence.

"..and then Kirk fell of the tree and broke his arm." Lorelai was so caught up in her story, that she didn't even realize that Rory wasn't listening.

Laughing awkwardly, Rory said "It's always great to hear about Kirk and what trouble he's gotten himself into again. I still don't know how he has survived so many accidents. I mean talk about luck."

"Yeah! So Hun, what do you say we'll go to Luke's and afterwards we can drive to the mall and do some shopping?" with a hopeful look in her eyes, she turned towards her daughter.

"You know what Mum....I think that's a great Idea. Let me just shower and get dressed and then we can hit the road."

With that she got out of bed and went to take her shower. Half a hour later the two of them were on their way to Luke's.

---

As they entered the diner, all eyes were on Rory. No one had seen her since her graduation, but everyone had heard about what happened.

Unsure of what to do Rory quickly sat down and prayed that they would stop staring.

"Alright people, either stop staring or get out of my diner." she was so glad that Luke came to her rescue, if there was one thing she didn't like, it was being the center of attention.

"Thanks Luke!"

"No problem! So how are you?" he asked in a soft tone, which he only reserved for the Gilmore Girls and even then, only for special occasions.

"Been better, but I'll be on my feet in no time" he gave her a look that told her he didn't believe her one bit.

"So what can I get the two of you...well besides coffee that is"

"We've trained him well, daughter of mine. Well I want some pancakes with whipped cream and some blueberry muffins. Hun?" directing her question to Rory who seemed to be lost in her thoughts again. "Rory?"

"Mhm?" startled she looked at her mother and then at Luke. "Oh...I'll just take some pancakes" she wasn't really in the mood for food and since she would probably throw it up again, she might as well just eat something small. She had a slight suspicion as to why she was sick, and today she would find out, if she was right.

Luke went to get them their breakfast and then returned moments later with two cups of coffee. While they were eating the two of them talked about random things, like what was going on around Stars Hollow and what the next festival would bring. After their breakfast they got into the Jeep and made their way to the mall in Hartford.

---

They had been shopping for nearly 2 hours now and both of them had acquired quite a lot of things. There was only one thing missing from Rory's list, but for that she had to get rid of her mother. When she saw a Café she got an idea.

"Hey mum, what do you say we take a break and get some coffee over there?"

"Well, how could I refuse coffee. My feet are starting to hurt anyway." they were making their way over to the Café, when Rory announced that she had to go to the toilet and would meet her mother there in a second.

Lorelai agreed and went to find them a table.

---

After her mother's departure, Rory made her way into a drugstore a few stores down. Walking through the aisles, she quickly found what she was looking for.

_'Wow...there is clearly a lot of them. Which one should I take? God...I can't believe I'm standing here looking at __pregnancy tests and on top of everything ... all on my own.'_

With that, the well known tears returned. Taking a deep breath to get her emotions in check, she managed to push them back. Taking 3 different Test she went to the register to pay and then joined her mother.

They spent another hour just looking around and then made their way back to Stars Hollow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I'm stronger now  
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go

and I should know

Logan had been miserable as well.

Nothing, not even massive amounts of alcohol could fill the void in his heart. He had been drinking himself into oblivion everyday since she turned down his proposal. He knew that he shouldn't have given her an ultimatum, but when she said, that she couldn't marry him, every rational thought had left his brain, as he tried to hold onto her for dear life. Without even knowing it, he had done the one thing to push her away. He had pressured her and just like he himself would have done, she had pushed him as far away as possible.

His friends were all worried about him. They knew that Rory meant the world to him and that losing her meant losing a part of himself. She had shown him, that not everything was about money and power and that one could have fun without spending so much as a penny.

Everyone, especially Stephanie, Colin and Finn had grown very fond of the brunette girl and now that she was gone, they had no idea how to help Logan.

They tried being there for him, but he wouldn't let anyone near him and the amount of alcohol he consumed worried even Finn. After watching him for three days, his friends decided that it was time to get some help.

They called Honor.

"Hello?"

"Honor, it's Colin" he said softly into the phone. You could clearly hear, that he'd had a rough couple of days.

"Hey Colin, what's up? Have you heard from Logan, I've tried to call him, but he doesn't answer his phone." Honor had been wondering what happened, but thought that Logan and Rory were off somewhere, celebrating their engagement.

"That's actually why I'm calling. Logan has been drinking nonstop the last few days and we are really worried about him. He won't let anyone near him and he just keeps telling us to let him be. We've tried everything, but nothing works and you are the only person we could think of, that could be able to get through to him, before he drinks himself into an early grave." after his little mini rant he took a deep breath, waiting for a response.

"What do you mean he is drinking nonstop? What happened? I thought he and Rory would be off somewhere celebrating?" he could hear the worry in her voice.

"Rory turned him down. She told him she couldn't marry him just yet and that she wanted to try long distance again, but he told her all or nothing. Well...she chose the later."

"Oh my God! I'm on my way. See you in a few." with that she hung up and Colin went back into the living room to join Finn and Steph.

---

Only 30 Minutes later the bell rang, announcing Honors arrival. When she entered the apartment she was out of breath and had to sit down for a few minutes. After her breathing was back to normal, she asked for more details on what happened and how bad the situation was. The three friends gladly told her everything, hoping that she would've more success with Logan.

Bracing herself, she opened the door to the study and walked in.

"I told you, to leave me the fuck alone." she heard his harsh words. Had she not seen him sitting there, she would have thought that it was her father who had spoken those words. Never in all her life had Logan spoken to anyone in such a tone. It seemed as if the situation was way worse, than she originally thought.

Hesitantly she spoke up. "I'm sorry Logan, I can't do that. I heard what happened and I'm so so sorry, but drinking will not take the pain away."

He hadn't expected his sister and when he recognized her voice his head shot up. His bloodshot eyes met hers and he could feel the first tear running down his cheek. His whole life he had only cried once, and that was when his Grandmother had died, but he just couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Honor was shocked when she saw him crying, she couldn't help but notice how broken and lost he looked. Without a second thought she went over and hugged him. After he calmed down a bit she asked him what had happened, even though she already knew, she wanted to hear it from him.

"She turned me down Honor. She said she couldn't marry me and that she wanted to try the long distance thing again, but I couldn't go back to not seeing her everyday. I told her all or nothing. I was so desperate to have her with me...and now she's gone. I've lost the only women I've ever loved and will ever love."

"She won't be the last one Logan. You know we all loved Rory, but someday you'll find someone and you'll fall in love again. It won't be tomorrow or next week, but I'm sure that, that day will come. But please Logan, stop drinking! It's scaring all of us...and yes that includes Finn. You have really good friends out there, who want to help and I think you shouldn't shut them out. Let them help you." she really hoped that she got through to him and seeing him nod, she had a feel she did.

"Thanks sis. It's just really hard and I miss her, but I promise I'll stop the heavy drinking."

---

_Two weeks later_

After the talk with his sister, Logan had indeed stopped drinking and a few days later he'd called his father to inform him, that he would work for him again. He could still hear the victory in Mitchum's voice, but somehow that didn't bother him. Since Rory was gone, nothing seemed to matter anymore. He went into work before everyone else arrived and left after all the others where long gone. Mitchum had wondered about that, but since Logan was doing what he was supposed to, he didn't mind.

Logan was still not a hundred percent ok, actually nowhere near it, but he was coping. He had thought about calling Rory and apologizing, but he was too proud to. She had called him 4 times, even left a message saying he should please call her back, but he just couldn't do it, he was still to hurt. So he just kept working and on the rare occasion he'd go out with his friends.

The four of them made a promise to at least meet each other for drinks once a month, but with Colin starting to work at his father's Law Firm, Finn travelling around the world to look after the Family Hotels and Steph working at her fathers Shipping Company that would become increasingly difficult. Even though they were all very busy, their friendship was as tight as ever. They would normally talk once a day on the phone and share what was going on.

Slowly everything seemed to calm down again. That is until Logan got a strange phone call from his ex-girlfriends mother.

_AN: So what do you think? Should I continue? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I put myself aside to do it your way  
But now I need to do it all alone  
And I am not afraid to try it on my own

_Stars Hollow – back from the mall_

After the two Gilmore's carried all their bags into the house, they were exhausted and decided to hold a Gilmore Movie Night.

After getting everything ready and making the necessary calls to get some take out food, they each settled down at one end of the couch. First they watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, then Casablanca and last but not least there was Breakfast at Tiffany's. Throughout the movies Rory had been preoccupied, so when the final credits of Breakfast at Tiffany's showed on the screen, she was shocked.

_'It seems I had a lot to think about. Well, who can blame me...I've just lost the love of my life, because I let myself be influenced by my mother, who thinks I'm better of without him. And then there is that small possibility, that I might be pregnant with Logan's baby. I haven't been feeling good for a week now...even before graduation, but I thought it was the nerves. Now I'm not so sure any more....all that throwing up and I'm constantly tired. Well it looks like mom is fast asleep....so...its now or never.'_

Slowly she got up from her position and made her way to her room, where she was hiding the tests. Taking all three of them to the bathroom, she went to work. After having successfully peed on all three stick she sat there waiting.

'_What am I going to do, if I'm pregnant? I know I want to keep it, it is after all a piece of me and Logan and I could never give him or her away. Seems I'll just have to find a way, at least I'm not a teenager anymore. But I won't stay here. I have to make a life for myself and my child, to figure out what I want, without my mother influencing me....Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do....Oh shit...times up...lets face the music'_

Carefully she picked up each and every test. There it was. Her prove. She was indeed pregnant. Tears started to form in her eyes and she couldn't hold them back any longer. It wasn't that she hated the idea of having a child, it was the fear of doing it on her own. She knew she could do it, but that didn't mean she wanted to. She promised herself in that moment, that she would do everything in her power to make sure that her daughter or son would never lack anything and that he or she would always be happy.

With a new surge of energy, Rory got up and went to her room, taking the tests with her, so Lorelai wouldn't find them.

Sitting down on her bed, she took out a notebook, that she always carried with her and started to write a list of all the things she had to do.

_'But where do I want to go? It has to be far away, so mom won't come after me. I should probably use a different name as well....I can't believe I'm really going to do this, but somehow it feels right. Alright first I'll have to make an appointment with a doctor. Which one should I go to? I can't go to one in Hartford, if anyone sees me I'm screwed. So what other options do I have? ...Boston...I could go to my appointment and then visit dad, with that I'll even have an alibi. Ok ...so we have that sorted...now where do I want to go? I've always liked London, the few times I went to visit Logan and it would definitely be far enough away, for __no one to find me. Yeah, I think that's a good idea! I'll have to check how much money I have, but with the money from dad and my grandparents from graduation, it should be more than enough to get me over there and to find someplace to live. If I start working within a month or two, I should have a safety net as well .'_

Satisfied with what she had planned so far, Rory laid down and without realizing she was doing it, she put a protective hand over her still flat stomach. Within minutes she was fast asleep.

_---_

Rory woke up at 8 the next morning, knowing she had a lot to do. She was glad her mother was working, so she wouldn't have to be too careful when she made all her called. She had decided to call Logan to tell him about the baby, because she knew he deserved at least that. Whether he chose to be a part of this baby's life or not, well that was up to him.

After taking a relaxing shower and getting dressed, she had some Twinkie's for breakfast. That's when she realized, that she had to stop drinking coffee until the baby was born. With a groan she put the cup away again and went to get some water. After she finished her breakfast she made an appointment with a doctor in Boston for the next day at 11 a.m and then went to call her father asking, if he would like for her to come visit.

During her parent's short marriage, she had bonded a lot with her father and even after the divorce the two of them talked regularly on the phone. Christopher always missing his eldest daughter was ecstatic when she told him she wanted to visit and they agreed that Rory would come by for lunch.

When she had everything organized for the next day, she went to make the next call. She was nervous about telling Logan, since she didn't know how he'd react.

_'What if he starts accusing me of trying to get him back by telling him I was pregnant? What if he tells me he doesn't want anything to do with this child, or worse....what if he asks me to get an abortion?'_

Taking a deep breath she decided, that it didn't matter what he thought. She would keep this baby and she would raise it all on her own, if that was what it took. So with another deep breath she dialled his number and waited for him to pick up. When it rang twice and then went straight to voice-mail she knew he had refused her call. She tried 3 more times and even left a message saying she needed to speak to him. With that she went into her room to research some things that she would need to know before she left Stars Hollow for good.

After she had looked up how the employment and housing situation was in London and its outskirts, she decided to head over to her mother, so they could go for lunch.

Mother and daughter spent the rest of the day at the Dragonfly, with Rory helping at the front desk. Lorelai was happy that Rory wanted to meet with her father, she figured everything was better than her sitting around thinking about Logan. She was also glad that Christopher was now more actively involved in their daughter's life, even if it was a bit late.

That evening Rory lay in bed thinking about what the doctor would tell her tomorrow. She fell asleep just after midnight.

---

When her alarm went off at 7, she cursed, that she had to get up without coffee. Seeing her mother had already left for an early meeting, she went to get ready. She left the house just after 8 and arrived in Boston 2 hours later. With an hour to spare before she had to be at the doctors, she made her way round the mall just 5 minutes from where she had to go. While looking around she saw a store with Baby things and decided to take a look.

She browsed for 30 minutes, thinking about what she would need in the future. Before she went to her appointment she got herself a big cup of hot chocolate.

She had just finished it when she entered the doctor's office, registered with the nurse and took a seat.

5 Minutes Later

"Lorelai Gilmore?" a nurse called her name and after she stood up, she was directed into the examination room where her doctor was already waiting for her.

"Good Morning, Miss Gilmore. My name is Rebecca, so what can I do for you?" the woman asked with a gentle voice.

"Hi, and please call me Rory. I'm here, because I think I might be pregnant. I took 3 different tests and they were all positive. I just wanted it confirmed by a doctor and maybe have a checkup."

"Alright. Let's check this out. I think we can forgo the blood test, seeing as you took 3 positiv tests. We'll make a quick Ultrasound to see how far along you are. If you could just lie down there, I'll be with you in a minute." the doctor said before going to the other side of her office to retrieve the needed utensils.

Nervously she lay down and pulled her shirt up and pushed her trousers down a bit. At the first touch of the cold gel, she flinched but then she started to relax, as the doctor began to explain.

"Ok, so here we have the fetus." she said pointing at a spot on the screen "It looks like, you are about 9 weeks pregnant, which means your almost in your second Trimester. Have you experienced any morning sickness?" Rory gave a slight nod. "Don't worry it'll pass in the next few weeks. So Congratulations!" she printed out a few pictures of the baby and gave them to Rory. After she was cleaned up, Rory went up to the desk again and took a seat.

"So here I have a few prenatal Vitamins I want you to take. Everything seems good so far and you shouldn't have any problems. Do you have any questions?"

"Actually I do! I'm going to move to England in a few weeks and I wanted to know if it is alright for me to fly?" Rory had been wondering about that, and hoped that she was still able to go.

"That should be no problem. I would advice you though, to make an appointment with a doctor there in about 3 to 4 weeks, just for a checkup. That should be all. Again Congratulations and I wish you a safe journey." with that Rory said her goodbyes and went to meet with her father.

---

Knowing her father only lived a few streets down she left the car where it was and walked there. While she was walking, she thought about when it was, that she became pregnant. Normally Logan and her had been very careful when having sex, always using protection. But she remembered that one time, about 9 weeks ago, when she had just finished her last exam and they had practically jumped each other.

_Flashback_

_Rory was on her way home, having just finished her last exam. When she opened the door to her apartment she saw Logan sitting on the couch waiting for her. Hearing the door he got up and went over to her. _

"_So how was your last exam?" he said and gave her a quick kiss, knowing if he started something now, he wouldn't be able to stop. He hadn't had sex in over two weeks. With Rory constantly studying, they hadn't seen each other very often._

"_Good. Everything went well and I had no problems." she explained._

_With that being said, Logan was no longer able to hold back. He crashed his lips onto hers and pushed her up against the door. She replied eagerly and rapped both her legs around his waist, grinding her centre against his obvious arousal. She heard him groan and gasped when she felt his hands under her skirt, massaging her clit through her panties._

_He then pushed them aside and entered first one, then two fingers into her already wet core._

_  
"God Baby...you feel so good! I missed you so much." Logan whispered against her ear, while his fingers were still bringing her so much pleasure. _

"_Logan, please....I need more. I want to feel you inside of me." Her desperate plea, was met by another groan. With shaking fingers she found his belt and got rid of it. Within seconds she had his trousers pushed to his knees. When he pulled his fingers out of her, she whimpered at the loss of friction, but they where immediately replaced by his cock. _

_Without a moments pause he began to pound into her. It had been to long for both of them and soon they both felt their orgasms approaching._

"_Come for me Ace!" and that was all it took for her. She came hard, screaming his name. For a second she thought the world had stopped. She felt him trust into her one last time and then he followed her over the edge. _

_With his forehead against her shoulder he tried to get his breathing under control. _

"_Holy shit woman....you'll be the death of me." he heard her laughing and had to smile at that sound. There was nothing he enjoyed more, that making that woman laugh. _

_After pulling his trousers back up, he carried her to the bedroom, where they enjoyed the rest of their afternoon._

_Flashback End_

All of that seemed so far away now, as if it had been in another lifetime.

With that last thought she arrived at her fathers place. She rang the bell and after a few seconds her father opened the door. After hugging each other Rory took of her coat and followed Chris into the kitchen.

"Where is Gigi, I thought she would be here as well?" Rory asked after looking around for her little sister.

"Afraid of being alone with me, are you?" came her fathers mocking reply.

"No...I just haven't seen her in so long and thought she would be around. So how are you doing dad?"

"I'm doing fine. Gigi is a really good kid and I can't really complain about my life. And to answer your previous question...your sister is at a friend's house. They are having a sleepover. But enough about me. How are you holding up kiddo? You look a little pale." Christopher said a bit worried. She was as white as a sheet of paper and there were dark cycles under her eyes.

He knew how hard it had to be for her. Loosing the person you love and seeing them walk away. He knew, because that was, what he had felt everytime Lorelai had walked away from him. She was the love of his life, but somehow they could never manage to get things right, either of them always screwed up. And seeing Rory like that, broke his heart, because he knew that Logan was the one for her.

"I'm alright dad, nothing that can't be fixed" she tried to sound confident, but failed miserable.

"Stop lying to me kid. I know you are not alright. You just lost the love of your life, and you are not alright." giving her a stern look he asked her something that has been bothering him since her graduation.

"Rory, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Dad, what is it." seeing the unsure look on his face, she gave him an encouraging smile.

"Why did you turn down Logan's proposal? I mean...I can understand that you want to have the freedom to choose where to live and work, but I thought you said, that both of you agreed to factor each other into your future plans. I know it's not my place to ask and that we aren't as close as you and your mom, but I really thought you'd say yes." not sure how she would react, he took a calming breath and prepared himself for her to get angry at him. But instead of shouting about, how that was none of his business, she broke into tears and within a second she was in his arms

He let her cry while she hung on for dear life. After a few minutes she calmed down a bit and looked into her fathers loving eyes.

_'Should I tell him about my plans? Would he tell mom? I know he can relate to what I'm going through and he has been there for me when I needed him the most. It's probably also a good idea to have someone, who could contact me, should anything happen.'_

"Do you know that you're the first person to ask me that? Everyone else was so busy with telling me, that it was the right decision that they never thought to ask why I did it. I myself have only recently thought about why. Do you want to know, to what conclusion I came?" she asked while all this time remaining eye contact. Seeing him giving her an encouraging nod, she told him about how she thought that part of the reason was her mother and that she had been afraid of everything that would change.

"Ror, you know your mother loves you very much, don't you?" when he saw her nod he continued "I think she is just hurt that you fit into the world that she ran away from so well. She has always hated people, who came from high society, without even knowing them and when you started dating Logan, she was probably afraid to lose you. I think she never thought about, what he means to you."

he could see the hurt in her eyes and wished once again, that he could protect her from everything. He knew how unfair Lorelai could be, when it came to the upper class, but he never thought she would do anything that could hurt her daughter. Apparently her hate had clouded her judgement and had cost his daughter the love of her life.

"I know it's stupid that I let myself be influenced by what mom says, but she gave up everything so I could have a better life and I still think I owe her for that....There is something else I want to tell you, but you have to swear to me that you won't tell a soul.... not even mom. Can you do that?

He was unsure of what she could probably have to tell him, that not even Lorelai was to know, but his curiosity got the best of him and he promised not to tell anyone.

"Uhm....ok....so, there was a reason why I came to Boston today and it's only partly to see you."

"Ok, and what is the other reason? Did you have a job interview or something?" he was curious now. Rory seemed to be very nervous about telling him.

"No....I had an appointment with a doctor."

Instantly worried he looked her over, but couldn't find anything wrong with her.

"Are you sick? Is everything alright? And why would you go to Boston to see a doctor and not just to Hartford?" he began to ramble and before he got too riled up, Rory interrupted.

"I'm not sick dad....well....not really. I'm pregnant! And I went to Boston for this appointment, because I don't want anyone to find out" she said calmly.

"Your pregnant?" Christopher had not expected that and had to take a few minutes to get his head together again. "Oh my god....does Logan know? How far along are you? And why don't you want anyone to find out? They'll notice it eventually, you know."

"No, Logan doesn't know....and yes I've tried to contact him, but he refuses to pick up his phone. I left a message telling him, that I had to talk to him and that he should call me back. The doctor told me that I'm 9 weeks along and that everything looks good. As for why I don't want anyone to find out I'm pregnant....I'm leaving and them knowing I was having a baby would make them look harder for me when I'm gone." looking her father straight in the eye she could see, that he was still confused so she spelled it out for him.

"Dad, you're the only one who knows that I'm leaving. I'm not telling anyone that I'm going away and no one will know where I'll be. I'm not even sure it's a good idea to tell you, where I'm going, but if anything should happen I want you to be able to reach me." she tried to gauge his reaction, but his face was blank.

"Dad?..."

"Uhm...sorry....this is just a bit much for one guy to take." he said, still processing what his daughter just told him. He knew she was in a bad place right now, but he would have never guessed that she'd do something as drastic as leaving everything and everyone behind without telling them.

"Rory do you really think, this is the right thing to do? I mean, isn't it a bit overboard? I know you are devastated that Logan left and I can understand that you want to get away from everything, but to just leave and to not tell anyone? What about your mom? Or your grandparents? They would be heartbroken if you just left.....have you thought about that." it was unfair to play the guilt card, he knew that, but he had to make sure, that she knew what she was doing.

With a heavy sigh and tears in her eyes she got up to get herself a glass of water. With her back still turned to her father, she began to explain.

"I know dad...I've thought this through and even though it is a harsh decision, I think it's what I have to do for myself and this baby. I can't live my whole life in mom's shadow and it's time for me to go my own way. All my life I tried to be the good kid, the perfect granddaughter and I'm sick of it. I want to make my own mistakes and deal with the consequences and I want to decide what is good without having mom influence me.... All I know is that I won't achieve any of this here with everyone constantly trying to give their input....and it'll only get worse when they learn about the baby. Can you imagine what grandma would do, if she found out I was pregnant? I would be married to Logan within the month, and as much as I regret turning him down, I wouldn't want to be married to him because we were having a baby together. I'd rather break grandma's heart by leaving, than putting her through another scandal." during her speech she had started crying and could now feel the tears streaming down her face. With the back of her hand she wiped them away and turned toward her father, who she noticed was now standing right behind her. And without a second thought she went into his waiting arms.

Christopher could clearly understand her motives, for he and Lorelai had been in a similar situation, but he knew that this would kill Lorelai. He tried to calm his daughter, but she just kept crying.

"Come on kid...you have to stop crying....this can't be good for you or the baby. It's alright.....everything is going to be alright." slowly but surely Rory began to calm down as he continued to reassure her. A few minutes later she let go of her father with a slight smile on her face.

"Thanks, dad! I really appreciate your support." and she really did. Knowing that someone understood made her surer about her decision. The next few hours they talked about her plans and what she planned on doing. Chris offered to pay for a house or a flat in London and wouldn't let her decline. They decided that he would visit every now and then, but that he had to wait for a while so no one would get suspicious.

Rory also asked him, if he would be ok with her using the Hayden name, since it would make it even harder to find her. It was in her Birth Certificate, meaning there wouldn't be any legal problems, but she wanted to make sure he was alright with it. Chris was proud that his oldest daughter would be using his family's name, even though they had been horrible to her.

After his father's death his mother had tried to learn a bit more about her granddaughter from him, but was too afraid to contact Rory. Francine was a proud woman and knew that she had treated Rory badly, but after loosing her husband she realized that life was short and you had to use every opportunity to make up for your mistakes. She just couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone, for she was afraid, that she had lost that opportunity when Rory was 16. Her son had tried many times to encourage her and maybe one day she'd get her chance.

At 8 p.m. Rory and Chris made their way to her car and after a long goodbye and her promising to be careful she got into her car to go back to Stars Hollow. While she was thinking about her day a slight smile formed on her lips. Even though she was alone, pregnant and scared shitless about leaving everything behind, she couldn't help but feel happy. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so bad. In that moment she knew...she could do it on her own.

_AN: Please tell me what you think. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I don't care if I'm right or wrong  
I'll live my the live the way I feel  
No matter what, I'll keep it real you know  
Time for me to do it on my own

By the time Rory arrived in Stars Hollow her mother was already asleep. Happy that she wouldn't have to lie to her about her day, she went to bed. She felt emotionally exhausted and fell asleep, the moment her head hit the pillow.

Over the next two weeks, Rory spent her time preparing everything for her departure and helping her mother at the inn. She had started to grow a little baby belly but managed to hide it, so nobody would see. Her morning sickness had slowly decreased and she only got sick every now and then. Luckily her mother was busy with the inn and happy that Rory was getting better, so she didn't notice anything.

It was now 2 days before she would leave. She had booked a flight to London under her new name Leigh Hayden and had packed most of her important things. A week ago she sent a few boxes down to Boston, mainly a few books and some clothes, so that when she was settled in London her father could send them to her.

She knew she couldn't take most of the things because then her mother would get suspicious, if her room was suddenly missing stuff, but she wanted to at least take a few of her favorite books with her and seeing as she had hundreds a few missing would go unnoticed.

She tried to spent as much time with her mom as she possibly could without raising any questions, knowing that it would be a long time until she saw her again.

On her last day, she and her mom went to the Gilmore's for their Friday night dinner, which was the perfect opportunity for Rory to see her grandparents one last time. After a nice evening and a delicious dinner, she and her mother went back home. They watched a movie together and went to bed around 12.

At 5 o'clock the next morning, Rory was already dressed and packed to leave. She had called a cab to pick her up and was just waiting for it to arrive. Her flight was at 7:30 from Bradley International Airport. When she saw the cap pulling up to the house she got her luggage and before walking out, she placed an envelope with her mothers name on it, on the kitchen table.

With one last look at her childhood home she got into the waiting car and told the man where she wanted to go.

He had been glancing at her in the rearview mirror, a concerned look in his eyes, seeing as she was sitting in the back with tears running down her cheeks. About 10 minutes into the ride he asked her if she was ok, and with a small smile she told him, that she would just miss home. After that he didn't bother her anymore. By the time they arrived at the airport she had composed herself and went to check in her bags.

When she was boarding the plane she thought about, how her mother would react once she found out she was gone. She felt guilty for putting her through this and she hoped that one day her mom would be ably to understand her reasons and forgive her. After she was seated she took out a folder with her "to do" list and started to go through it.

Shortly after that, an older woman around 50 sat down beside her and took out a newspaper to read. 20 minutes into the flight the woman next to her, who had been glancing at Rory's list every now and then, turned slightly in her seat addressing her.

"I'm sorry dear for interrupting you, but I couldn't help myself and noticed that list of yours. I didn't mean to disrespect your privacy, but I've always been a curious one. I'm Maggie by the way." she gave Rory an encouraging smile and reached her hand out for the young girl to shake.

When she first heard the voice of the woman next to her, she was startled out of her thoughts. After registering what she said and seeing her encouraging smile Rory took her hand and shook it.

"That's alright, I'm a curious person myself. I know how hard it can be sometimes to keep your eyes to yourself" she told Maggie, returning her smile. "My name is Ro...Leigh."

"You sure about that, it seemed as if you just wanted to tell me another name."

Rory didn't know why, but somehow she felt as though she could trust this woman and she didn't want to lie to her.

"Well actually my name is Lorelai Leigh, but since my moms name is Lorelai as well she chose to call me Rory instead. Don't ask me how she came up with that name, but I blame it on the drugs they gave her while giving birth. But seeing as I want to start a new chapter in my life, I decided to take on my second name" after she finished her ramble she gave the woman a sheepish smile. Maggie couldn't help but chuckle at the girls embarrassed face.

_'God, I'm going insane....now I'm telling some stranger my life story'_

"That was some speech you just gave. So why start a new life in London? At least I'm assuming that's what you are doing here. Am I right?" after a nod from Rory she continued "Why not just move to another state. Would probably be a lot easier, would it not?"

"Well ... you see, ... it's not so easy. On my graduation day...." while Rory was telling her the whole story behind her departure, Maggie was listening quietly only asking a few questions along the way. When she was finished the older woman looked at her in awe.

"I have to tell you, I think you are really brave for taking that step. I'm not sure I could've done something like that."

"It was a tough decision and I love my mom to pieces, but I just think it's what I have to do for my self and this little on." putting a hand on her belly, she looked at Maggie. Seeing the older woman looking at her understandingly she had to smile.

"So what do you plan on doing once you are in London? Do you have a place to live? What will you do about money? If I'm overstepping my boundaries, please tell me, I'm just really curious."

"No it's alright, it's actually nice to talk about it with someone. It was tough keeping all this locked up inside, with no one to tell. To answer your questions, as of right now, I don't have a place to live, but my father told me he would pay for a flat or a house, so as soon as I find what I'm looking for I'll get it. Until then I'm going to get a room in a B&B. As for what I want to do for money. Seeing as I'm pregnant it could be a slight problem finding a good job, but I was hoping to maybe find a small newspaper to employ me anyway. If I could work from home, I could have the baby and still work and if I have to go somewhere I could hire a babysitter. I know it's not really realistic, but one can hope anyway, or not?" the last bit she added because Maggie was giving her a funny look and she wanted her to know, that she was aware of her chances of getting her dream job.

"So you're a journalist?"

"Yeah, I graduated summa cum laude at Yale. I always wanted to be an overseas correspondent, but some dreams change, so now I would like to work as a journalist. I want to share my view of the world with other people, I want to write and I hope that one day I will be able to fulfil this dream, even if I have to wait a few years for that opportunity....Sorry, sometimes I get a little carried away."

she could feel a blush creeping over her cheeks and averted her eyes.

"That's alright dear, it's good that you are so passionate about your dream, it'll help you achieve it. As a matter of fact, I'm Editor in Chief at a small newspaper, and if you are interested I would love to take a look at some of your articles and references. I know it's a bit sudden, and I would totally understand if you wanted to get settled in first, but if you're as good as I think you are, I would love to offer you a job. So what do you say?" she looked at the shocked girl sitting beside her and waited for her to process all she had just told her. After a few second Rory got a hold of her self and a big smile spread across her face.

"Are you kidding? I would love to show you some of my articles. Wow...I mean....wow....I can't believe you would consider employing me....but I'm pregnant, won't that be a problem?" she was unsure if she should mention it again, but she didn't want to get her hopes up just to have them crushed.

"As you said, you could work from home...we'd have to work out the details, but it shouldn't be a problem. But before I promise you a spot on my team, I'll have to have a look at a few of those articles of yours." seeing Rory smiling like that, she knew she made the right decision. Somehow she felt the need to help this girl, she couldn't explain why, she just knew that it was the right thing.

"I have another proposition for you. It might be a little strange, seeing as we've only met, but I was thinking, if you have nothing against it, you could stay at my house until you find something. I have a spare room with a bathroom attached and I wouldn't mind the company. I would totally understand if you're not comfortable with it, so please don't feel obligated or anything. I just thought I'd offer, seeing as I have the space."

"That's really nice and I'd love to stay with you, but I don't want to be an inconvenience." she didn't want Maggie to think she was helpless and couldn't take care of herself.

"I really don't mind. Like I said, I have the space and since my husband died a few years back, I get a little lonely and wouldn't mind having someone to talk to."

"Alright, but I'll pay for all the groceries and whatever else is needed around the house." wanting to make sure that Maggie knew, that she was not going to use her. Seeing that she was about to protest she told her that, that was the only way she'd do it. After a few minutes of debating they came to a compromise. They would share all the costs that would occur while she was living there.

After all the talking Rory started to feel tired, this pregnancy thing sure wore her out. Within minutes she was fast asleep, and only woke up, when Maggie told her that they would be landing shortly. Giving her a grateful smile she pulled her seat into the right position and fastened her seatbelt. 6 Hours and 43 minutes after leaving Hartford, she finally arrived at her destination. The place she'd call home from now on.

_AN: Please review!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It's over now  
I can't go back to living through your eyes  
Too many lies

_Stars Hollow – Day of Rory's departure_

When Lorelai woke up that morning, she couldn't shake the feeling, that something wasn't right. While she got out of bed and made her way down the stairs her heart began to beat loudly in her chest and when she saw the envelope on the kitchen table she felt like it stopped for a second. Slowly she reached out to pick it up and seeing Rorys handwriting on it made her heart skipped another beat. Taking the letter into the living room, Lorelai sat on the couch and with shaking hands, she opened the piece of paper.

_Mom,_

_I know you must wonder why I left this letter here for you and why I'm not just talking to you in person. The reason is, that when you'll be reading this, I will no longer be there and I'm not coming back. I can imagine what you are thinking right now and I know that you'll probably never forgive me for this, but you have to know that I truly believe that it's the only way for me to live my life the way I want. I love you very much mom, but I can't live in you shadow any more. _

_After I turned down Logan's proposal I realized, that it wasn't what I wanted, but I knew that you didn't like him and since you gave up everything for me I thought I owed it to you. But the thing is, that when he walked away he took a part of me with him and now I have to try and fill the hole he left. I want to be happy again and I can't do that here. I need to stand on my own feet and I want to do whatever it is that makes me happy. _

_I know you didn't mean to control my life and part of it is my fault for letting you. _

_No one knows where I am and I'll keep it that way, please don't try to find me. I'll come back when I'm ready, maybe I'll write to you sooner. _

_I love you Mom, please don't doubt that._

_Love, _

_Rory_

While reading her daughters letter , Lorelai started to cry. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks but made no move to wipe them away. She thought about Rory's words and realized, that most of them where probably true, but she never imagined that her beautiful and angel like daughter, would do something like this to her. In her overly emotional state she did the first thing that came to mind. She called Logan, thinking that he would be the person her daughter would turn to.

After 3 rings he picked up the phone.

"Hello?!"

"Logan?"

"Yes! Who is this?"

"It's Lorelai.....is she there?" nervously she started playing with her pyjama top.

"Is who here? Lorelai....are you alright?"

"Is Rory there? Please tell me she's with you!" he could clearly hear the fear in her voice.

"Why would Rory be here? If I remember correctly she turned me down two weeks ago."

"She's gone Logan!" her voice broke as there was a new surge of tears.

"What do you mean, she's gone? Where would she go?" Lorelai could hear the panic in his voice and in that moment, she realized that she had no right to hate the boy who so clearly loved her daughter and would give his life for her.

"She left me a letter, telling me that she could no longer stay here, since I'm the reason she turned you down and that she had to do things on her own. She also told me not to look for her, that she won't be back and that no one knows where she is, but I thought she might be with you.....but now that she's not there, I don't know what to do." and with that she broke down. She tried to catch her breath but nothing worked.

When she started hyperventilating, Logan's frantic voice told her to breath and after a few second she calmed enough to fill her lungs with oxygen again.

"Alright....listen! Call everyone that could possibly know where she is and in the mean time I'll try and look for her as well. We'll find her!" Even though he was taking charge, you could hear in his voice that he was just as lost as Lorelai.

"I'm sorry Logan! I know I was never a big fan of yours and I'm really and truly sorry for judging you. She should have married you!!"

"It's alright....lets just find Rory."

"Thank you! I'll call as soon as I find anything."

"Thanks! Bye, Lorelai "

"Bye" with that she hung up.

Lorelai spent the whole day calling everyone that she knew, but it seemed as if her daughter had just vanished. When she had spoken to her parents, they had told her that they would immediately hire a private detective. And for the first time in her life, Lorelai could understand what her parents felt when she had left. That night she swore, that if she ever got a second chance with her daughter she would make it up to her. And she truly hoped that it wasn't too late.

---

_New York – The day of Rory's departure_

Today was Saturday and Logan had planned to spend the day with Colin, Finn and Stephanie. The three of them arrived at 9 am and together they sat around the kitchen table, talking about their week or in Finn's case complaining about the sun. They were enjoying there breakfast when Logan's phone started to ring.

"No phones, Huntzberger....you know the rule!" Steph told him, as he reached for it.

Seeing that it was an unknown number he told her that he had to answer it, just in case it was something important. Reluctantly she agreed and asked him to make it short.

"Hello?!"

"Logan?" he tried to put a face to the slightly familiar voice, but he came up blank.

"Yes! Who is this?"

"It's Lorelai.....is she there?" confused he took a quick look at his phone, before he continued.

"Is who here? Lorelai....are you alright?" when they heard Logan say Lorelai, all of his friends stopped talking and began to listen to his one sided conversation.

"Is Rory there? Please tell me she's with you!" he could clearly hear the fear in her voice and his heart began to beat faster.

"Why would Rory be here? If I remember correctly she turned me down two weeks ago."

"She's gone Logan!" in that moment his heart stopped and all the colour vanished from his face. He could feel his friends watching him, but all he could think about was, Rory.

"What do you mean, she's gone? Where would she go?" Steph, Colin and Finn had already put together what happened and they became worried seeing Logan panicking. They were his friends, but Rory meant a lot to all of them and they didn't want anything to happen to her either.

"She left me a letter, telling me that she could no longer stay here, since I'm the reason she turned you down and that she had to do things on her own. She also told me not to look for her, that she wont be back and that no one knows where she is, but I thought she might be with you.....but now that she's not there, I don't know what to do." Logan heard her crying, but he was so in shock that he didn't know how to sooth her fears. Feeling like he was going to faint any minute now, he sat down on the couch. Soon his worried friends joined him and when he heard Lorelai hyperventilating he told her to take deep breaths. After she had calmed down a bit, his mind went on autopilot.

"Alright....listen! Call everyone that could possibly know where she is and in the mean time I'll try and look for her as well. We'll find her!"

"I'm sorry Logan! I know I was never a big fan of yours and I'm really and truly sorry for judging you. She should have married you!!" surprised he accepted her apology.

"It's alright....lets just find Rory."

"Thank you! I'll call as soon as I find anything."

"Thanks! Bye, Lorelai "

"Bye"

After hearing the dial tone he closed his phone. Still processing what Lorelai had just told him, he didn't see his friends questioning gazes.

"So Mate....you going to tell us, what that was all about?" as always Finn was the first to ask.

"That was Lorelai.....apparently Rory's gone.....she left her a letter telling her that she doesn't want anyone to find her and that she won't be back. Lorelai also said that Rory wrote, that she left because Lorelai was the reason that she turned me down......I just can't imagine her doing something like that. She loves her mother....they are like twins." frustrated and a little afraid he ran a hand through his hair.

"Maybe that's the problem, mate. Everyone sees Rory as mini Lorelai and not as Rory and if she realized that and on top she finds out, that because of her mom she chose not to marry you....what would you do?"

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't like it either, but she's Rory she doesn't just leave without telling anyone. I mean, what if something happens to her....no one would know and right now I'm just really scared, that I'm never going to see her again." with a sigh Logan let his head fall into his hands.

"It's like you said.... you'll find her. Besides....I thought you said you never wanted to see her again?" Colin but a comforting hand on his friends shoulder.

"I know what I said. And right know I don't want to see her, but at least I had the opportunity to do so, if I decided otherwise. The other thing is, I know Rory...she had to be really hurt, to do something like this. Did I tell you guys that she tried to call me a few weeks back?" seeing his friends shaking their heads he continued.

"She called about four times, she even left a message saying that she needed to talk to me and that I should call her back. I thought she wanted to talk about us again, so I didn't call her back and right now I can't help but think, that if I had....she'd still be here."

Steph was the next one to say something.

"It's not your fault Logan, we all understand why you didn't talk to her....it's why none of us have called her. She's probably just confused right now and had to sort some things out. Maybe she'll be back in a week and if it means so much to you, we'll help you find her. Right boys?" with a look at Colin and Finn who agreed, the four friends started planning on what they were going to do.

_AN: For everyone who is waiting for an update of my other story "Keep me safe?"....I'm sorry it's taking me so long, but I've been really busy with school and work. I'll try and update as soon as possible. PROMISE._

_Ps. Please review!!!_


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